By Focus on the Family Malaysia
Focus on the Family Malaysia advises parents to avoid extremes and create a family entertainment contract with input from teenagers.
Q: How do we establish workable media standards for our teenagers? I understand the importance of teaching thoughtful discernment but sometimes I feel the need for more solid guidelines in order to gauge the merits of movies, YouTube channels and music. Can you suggest anything?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: We think it is a good idea to avoid extremes. Some mums and dads choose to “lay down the law”. No movies. No YouTube. Period. This approach may simplify your entertainment purchasing or consumption decisions but it can also breed rebellion.
Other parents go to the opposite extreme. Anything goes. Do whatever you want. But this permissive approach also has some major drawbacks. We would encourage you to steer a middle course by agreeing on shared moral values and then working together with your children to set healthy boundaries.
It is basically a question of deciding how much you want to shield your teenagers from questionable entertainment and to what extent you would like to discuss popular media with them.
Try to strike a healthy balance between the two. Put your ideas into writing and develop a “family entertainment contract”.
Where possible, include suggestions from the children – this will ensure their buy-in and ownership of the parameters. Once the document has been drafted, post it on your refrigerator door. Make it clear that it applies to all members of the family. Stick to your consequences when violations occur.
Where music is concerned, it is wise to remember that style can be deceptive. Try not to be swayed purely by personal preference and don’t get distracted by the style or look of the messenger. Instead, listen to what your teenager is listening to, have an open conversation with them to take a close look at the ideas being conveyed and teach them the discernment you want them to have.
Q: My spouse doesn’t get along with my parents and siblings. This has led to serious conflict in our marriage. My parents have always enjoyed hosting family get-togethers, especially during the holidays but things have gotten so bad that my spouse is no longer willing to participate in these gatherings. I am tired of dealing with the tension. Please help.
Focus on the Family Malaysia: The problem you are describing is extremely common but that does not mean that you cannot solve it. We suggest you sit together and discuss it in a rational manner.
Find a time – maybe over coffee or after dinner at a nice restaurant – when you can lay your concerns on the table calmly. It is vital that the two of you come to a meeting of the minds over this issue.
Relationships with extended family are an important part of every marriage. This is something you are going to have to face together if you want to build a marital relationship that will go the distance.
You may be able to work out a compromise. Why not skip certain holidays or plan alternatives to the family gatherings every other year? You could tell your parents that you and your spouse have decided to spend a quiet Chinese New Year with your own immediate family this year. This could remove some of the stress and make it easier to face the next big get-together.
A second choice would be to attend the gathering but stay at a local hotel rather than in your parents’ home. Explain that while you are looking forward to seeing them, you’ would also like to have some time and space to yourselves.
Then, if the family get-together becomes unbearable for you or your spouse, you can always escape to your hotel room.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
Source: smart-boundaries-for-screen-time-and-family-entertainment
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