By Focus on the Family Malaysia
Q: Should we end our friendship with another couple after the man and I were involved in an emotional affair? The affair is over and our spouses have taken a firm but conciliatory approach. We have paused our usual get-togethers for now. At some point, would it be appropriate to resume the friendship?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: As much as it is difficult to hear, our answer would be no.
From our perspective, there is simply no way around it.
When marital unfaithfulness has occurred, a key part of the reconciliation process is the offending spouse’s willingness to take responsibility for their actions and accept the consequences of those decisions.
In this case, that would include the loss of this friendship.
Consider if the man had been a co-worker. Once the affair ended, would it be realistic to return to business as usual in the office?
We do not think so. In such a situation, the practical response would be to move on professionally. If he were a next-door neighbour, the situation would be more complicated.
Even so, circumstances permitting, we would still recommend creating distance where possible.
The reason is simple: it is unwise to remain close to a situation that once led to temptation. While it may feel manageable, such boundaries can easily blur over time and old patterns can resurface.
As one wise saying puts it: “Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?” The answer is no.
For that reason, the healthiest course is to cut ties with the other couple.
Q: How do I know whether I should seek professional help for depression? I have been feeling sad and fatigued for a long time but I am hoping it is just a phase.
Focus on the Family Malaysia: We would encourage you to seek help without delay, as clinical or major depression is a serious condition.
Clinical depression is more than a temporary emotional slump. It involves a persistent disturbance of mood lasting two weeks or longer and it often disrupts daily functioning and can affect physical health as well.
Common signs include:
Persistent sadness or irritability, which may feel disproportionate to circumstances; frequent crying; withdrawal or isolation; fatigue; loss of interest or enjoyment in activities; reduced concentration or performance; and occasional anger or agitation.
Distressing thoughts, such as ongoing negative self-perception, excessive self-criticism, anxiety and feelings of hopelessness.
Physical symptoms, including insomnia or oversleeping, changes in appetite, headaches, dizziness, nausea, palpitations and other unexplained bodily discomforts.
In more severe cases, depression may be accompanied by psychotic symptoms such as hallucinations or delusional thinking. This requires urgent medical attention.
Depression can arise from a combination of genetic, biological, psychological, social and sometimes spiritual factors. Because of its complexity, a proper diagnosis and treatment plan from a medical professional is important.
Early intervention can make a significant difference in recovery and help prevent symptoms from worsening. Support and treatment are available and you do not have to navigate this on your own.
Taking that first step can be difficult but it is often the most important one. We strongly encourage you to see a doctor and seek professional counselling as soon as possible.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
Source: when-saving-a-marriage-means-losing-a-friend
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