Loving parents through changes

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Kritik
20 Sep 2026
38
SubCategory | Media Narratives

By Focus on The Family Malaysia

Q: Can you tell me what it means to “honour” a parent who has become increasingly cranky, feisty, disagreeable and demanding as a result of Alzheimer’s disease and the ageing process? My mum was once a sweet, caring and soft-spoken woman but all that has changed dramatically over the past few years.

Focus on the Family Malaysia: There is no doubt that caring for an ageing loved one involves sacrifice and self-discipline, especially in situations like yours.

Let’s begin by defining “honour”. To honour our elders means choosing to treat them with respect and care – not grudgingly but as an expression of love and genuine concern for their needs. True honour means placing the highest value on our loved ones, regardless of whether we feel they deserve it.

Once you have made that choice, the key issue is knowing how to put it into practice. “Honour your father and mother” doesn’t spell out how this should be done. It says nothing about nursing homes, pensions or medical insurance. Nor does it require you to take ageing parents into your home.

Instead, the art of honouring a cranky elder calls for intuitive understanding. That understanding, in turn, is rooted in your love for and commitment to your mother.

Through that commitment and your day-to-day interactions with her, you will gradually develop an awareness of practical ways to serve her and meet her immediate needs.

This may mean sharing your home and providing financial support. It could also involve seeking support services, filling out endless health insurance forms, providing transportation and communicating with doctors.

Finally, remember that it is never too late – or too soon – to love and honour your elders. As you seek to honour your mother, your love for her can grow and your relationship with her can be enriched.

Q: I got married a few months ago, but my wife and I are already constantly arguing about household chores. I’m the one who cares about keeping the house clean and orderly, so I end up doing most of the work. What should I do?

Focus on the Family Malaysia: You have stumbled upon a challenge that blindsides most newlyweds and often plagues even seasoned married couples – the division of household labour.

It is common because partners often have different definitions of what constitutes “clean” and different assumptions about who should do what, shaped by their unique family backgrounds.

Your first order of business is to talk all of this through. Lay your assumptions, expectations and personal preferences on the table. The goals of your discussion should be to build unity and understanding, establish a commitment to shared responsibility and develop a plan that is fair and reasonable.

Next, make a comprehensive list together of everything that needs to be done, including the time required for each task. Then, go through the list individually and indicate which tasks you each believe should be your responsibility.

Share your lists and compare the results. Where you agree, that’s easy. Where there is disagreement, discuss who has a preference or is better equipped to take on the task.

Once everything has been assigned, itally the time required to make sure the division is reasonably fair, taking into account the overall demands on each of you.

Keep in mind that this is a partnership and that you will need to be flexible and make occasional adjustments as your family’s circumstances and needs change.

Finally, remember the rewards. Tackling chores together eases the burden and gives you more time to enjoy each other’s company, as well as more leisure for individual pursuits.

This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community.

Source: loving-parents-through-changes

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