The exhaustion of being the strong one

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Kritik
08 Nov 2026
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SubCategory | Media Narratives

By Dr Praveena Rajendra

IT usually begins with a simple request. “Can you help me with something?” Perhaps it comes from a colleague who needs a report completed, a relative who needs a favour or a friend who has another problem to solve.

You already have plenty on your plate but you hear yourself saying, “Sure, I’ll manage”. And somehow, you do.

People come to rely on you. They appreciate your willingness to help, your ability to solve problems and your habit of getting things done. Before long, you become the person everyone approaches when something needs attention.

The trouble begins when you start feeling responsible for keeping everyone happy. In cognitive-behavioural psychology, our emotional responses are influenced by the beliefs we hold about ourselves and others.

Someone who believes they must always be helpful or that disappointing people makes them a bad person may experience considerable guilt when faced with an ordinary request.

Saying yes offers immediate relief. The awkward conversation is avoided and everyone seems happy. The additional work, however, remains yours. Over time, this pattern can leave people emotionally exhausted, particularly when their professional, financial and family responsibilities are already demanding.

The wider picture deserves attention. Gallup’s State of the Global Workplace 2026 report found that 40% of employees globally experienced substantial stress during the previous day.

In Malaysia, the figure was 20%. The World Health Organisation also estimates that depression and anxiety contribute to approximately 12 billion lost working days annually, costing the global economy US$1 trillion (RM4.07 trillion) in productivity.

These statistics describe different aspects of workplace well-being. They do, however, remind us that psychological strain has consequences for individuals, organisations and society.

Malaysia has begun addressing these concerns through initiatives such as the Department of Occupational Safety and Health’s 2024 Guidelines on Psychosocial Risk Assessment and Management at the Workplace. The guidelines encourage employers to identify and manage psychosocial risks arising from working conditions.

This brings us to a question worth considering within sustainability. Organisations routinely assess environmental risks, resource consumption and the long-term consequences of their activities. They recognise that resources must be managed carefully to remain available in the future.

Human capacity deserves similar consideration. Every additional commitment consumes time, attention and energy. When responsibilities exceed what people can reasonably manage, the effects eventually reach their health, relationships and ability to work.

For people who struggle to turn down requests, a useful starting point may come from an unlikely place: the materiality matrix used in sustainability management.

Materiality assessments help organisations identify issues that deserve priority based on their significance. A simplified version of this thinking can help us assess personal commitments.

I call it the Personal Materiality Matrix. Before agreeing to something, consider two questions. First, how important is this request? Think about its consequences, your responsibilities and the people affected.

Second, what is my actual capacity? Consider the time, energy, money and existing commitments involved. Be realistic about what you can manage. These two questions create four possible decisions.

When importance and capacity are both high, commit. You understand the value of the task and have the resources to complete it properly.

When importance is high but capacity is low, negotiate. An urgent project may genuinely require your involvement but perhaps the deadline can be extended, the scope reduced or responsibilities shared.

When importance is low but capacity is high, choose. You may have time to help, although that alone need not determine your decision. Consider your priorities before agreeing.

When both importance and capacity are low, decline or postpone. Some requests can be handled by someone else, scheduled for another day or simply left aside.

Consider a familiar workplace situation. Your manager asks you to lead another initiative while you are already handling three major assignments. You could agree immediately and worry about the consequences later.

Alternatively, you could say: “I’m currently handling these three priorities. I can take this on if we review the deadlines or redistribute some of the work.”

The same thinking applies at home. If family members depend on you for every arrangement, appointment or expense, identifying what can be shared may be the beginning of a healthier routine.

A useful habit is to give yourself time before answering. “Let me check what I have on and get back to you” creates space to make a considered decision. It also helps challenge the belief that every request deserves an immediate yes.

Of course, a personal decision-making tool has its limits. Employees cannot always refuse unreasonable demands, and caregiving responsibilities may leave families with difficult choices.

Employers, leaders and communities have an important role in ensuring that responsibilities are distributed fairly. That is where the connection to social sustainability becomes particularly meaningful. Workplace well-being, responsible leadership and fair working conditions all influence how sustainably an organisation operates.

The Personal Materiality Matrix offers a small way to begin examining the demands we accept in our everyday lives. Its value lies in making our commitments visible before they accumulate.

The next time someone approaches you because you are the person who always manages, take a moment to consider what is already waiting for your attention. You may still say yes. You may ask for help. You may decide that someone else can handle it. And perhaps, for once, you will have made that decision with your own well-being in mind.

Dr Praveena Rajendra is the author of Mindprint: Engineering Inner Power for Growth, Purpose and

Source: the-exhaustion-of-being-the-strong-one

Disclaimer

The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official stance of Kritik.com.my. As an open platform, we welcome diverse perspectives, but the accuracy and integrity of contributed content remain the responsibility of the individual writer. Readers are encouraged to critically evaluate the information presented.

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